Thirty-Six:
After the dog and boy, the Cyclops then introduced himself as Polyphemus. His was an old story.
"I was once wounded by a lost king who wandered the sea," he said. "My father, who is the Ocean, chased him until the sea nymph Calypso gave him shelter on her island. Perhaps the lost king traded Calypso's love for safe return to his kingdom. Perhaps he is still with her, sheltered by their love from my good and cruel father."
The Cyclops said he fell in love with Princess Ariadne when he first looked upon her with his relentless eye. Spot agreed to help the Cyclops woo the princess. The first thing they did was dress the Cyclops in a sail that washed ashore. Next they combed the Cyclops's rope-like hair with a whale-bone. After that, they were ready to coach the Cyclops on how to ignite desire for him in Ariadne.
"'allo da'ling," said Spot. "Tell me, 'ave you always possessed zee great beauty, or did zee great beauty see you one day and kidnap you and now holds you ransom from which you cannot escape?"
"...tee hee..." Brian wore a mop on his head and discarded women's pumps on his feet. "I'll bet you say that to all the princesses trapped in towers. Tee hee..."
"Alright Monsieur le Cyclops," said Spot. "It is your turn to captivate zee attention of zee beautiful damsel."
"...you ...are ...beautiful," said the Cyclops. "I... kidnap... you..."
"...no no," said Spot.
"...take you hostage," said the Cyclops.
"...no no no," said Spot.
"—how old is this Princess Ariadne?" said Brian.
"Mademoiselle Princess?" said Spot. "My instincts tell me she is... 16."
"16?" said Brian.
"Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "I know what you are worried over: she is zee older woman. But take my word, after zee age of 5, zee differences in age matter little in regard to zee romance."
"Polyphemus," said Brian. "How old are you?"
"I will be seventeen thousand, two hundred sixty-four... next December 25th," said the Cyclops.
"Ah, zee Christmas Baby," said Spot.
"Yes," said the Cyclops. "I feel a birthday during the holiday season gives others an excuse to cheat me on gifts, which I don't like very much."
"So you see Monsieur le Brian," said Spot. "Mademoiselle Princess has lived zee full life of zee independent woman."
"But—"
"Enough," said Spot. "Zee discussion? She is at zee end."