Twenty-Five:
Eliza the witch escorted Spot, Brian, and Mimbleshaw underneath the castle to the coupon-sorting floor. The air swarmed with fairies carrying baskets of coupons and robotic arms carrying bundles.
"Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw. "As you can see, the coupons are collected in absorbent white cloth and sent to their vendors to be redeemed." Mimbleshaw shook a bundle and it rattled. "This is worth one U.S. dime."
"Fascinating," said Spot. The rubber fingertips at the ends of the robotic arms had collars. "So many of zee infant pacifiers."
"Why, pacifiers are the better to pick up and sort coupons with," said Sweaty Pete.
"And zee baby-diapers for zee coupon bundles?" said Spot.
"Why, diapers are the better to bundle coupons with," said Ellie.
"And the rattles?" said Brian.
"Why, rattles are the better to bundle coupons with," said Lulu-Belle.
"Mister luh-Brian?" said Sweaty Pete. "You might not want to stand so close to them machines."
"Don't stand so close to your robotic pacifier-fingers?" said Brian. "If you're afraid they'll break, maybe you should have made them sturdi — hey..." Paci-fingers lifted Brian, shook him out of his clothes, and dropped him into a diaper. "I — I'm not a baby."
"Zee coupon-sorting machines can change and pacify zee many babies," said Spot. "It is very suspicious, no?"
"...oh my gosh," said Brian. "This is some kind of... baby-processing plant. To feed babies to... witches..."
"I wish," said Eliza. "I ain't had baby in over a hundred years."
"With all due respect, Yer Majesty," said Sweaty Pete. "We coupon fairies like babies. We don't have to give back no Bannister baby. He belongs to us now and Waxy Dave is happy takin' his place."
"That's ridiculous," said Mimbleshaw. "Coupon fairies have to be given a baby's name before taking it. I didn't give out his name. Did you give them the baby's name, Your Majesty?"
"Zee name of Monsieur le Brian, zee strange banana-baby?" said Spot. "Zee wild knock-knock jokes cannot drag from me zee name of Monsieur le Brian. 'Knock, knock.' 'Who is at zee door?' 'Not Monsieur le Brian, so do not ask.'"
"You see?" said Mimbleshaw. "And Eliza?"
"I told you I haven't eaten baby in a century," said Eliza. "And when I did, I never asked them for no names."
"Now if I didn't give any baby names," said Mimbleshaw, "and Its Majesty Spot didn't give any baby names, and if even Eliza didn't give any baby names — Human, did you give the names of any babies to the coupon fairies?"
"—now hold everything a gosh-darn minute," said Brian.
"...oh, Human," said Mimbleshaw. "Isn't anything with you ever simple?"
"...coupon fairies are allowed to steal and keep a baby if someone tells them the baby's name?" said Brian. "Where did you get a messed-up rule like that from?"
"Oh, I'm sure that's a good question fer a curious young feller like yerself," said Sweaty Pete. "But we jest don't ask all that many questions about the way things are. We like the way things are."