Seventeen:
Spot, Brian, and Mimbleshaw arrived at the rendezvous.
"Your Majesty," said Mimbleshaw. "May I present Princess Vivian of Plastic Knifeland. Her team will escort us to Kansas City."
"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Please excuse our delay. As soon as we change our tire, we'll be on our way."
"Look out!" someone shouted. The jack collapsed.
"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Two of our team members have been injured. Please help us."
"Its Majesty Spot's predecessor fled with the crown," said Mimbleshaw. "We must retrieve it for the new king."
"Your Majesty, please hear our tale," said Princess Vivian. "Your servants may be able to help us in our time of need."
"Servants?" said Brian.
"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "My family — the Royal Family of Plastic Knifeland — and the Royal Family of Sporkland are descended from countries in Eastern Europe that no longer exist. But we remain heirs to fortunes gathered from the distribution of disposable utensils. Aggressive competition damaged my family's commercial enterprises. The only way to pay our debts was to arrange a marriage between our families and seal the sacred bond between plastic knives and sporks."
"Me servant?" said Brian.
"According to the treaty between our two families," said Princess Vivian, "I have been promised to Prince Danny, heir to the Sporkland fortune. I have no desire for marriage or rule, however. Fortunately, the Sporklanders were too proud to refuse my challenge. I will keep my freedom for as long as once a year I and ten players remain undefeated in soccer against any team the Sporklanders can gather."
"Me human," said Brian. "Humans don't serve dogs."
"How may we be of zee assistance?" said Spot.
"However fine their players," said Princess Vivian. "Sporkland's captain, Princess Evangeline, is still no match for me and we can still beat them even missing two players. However, if we don't present a complete team, that passes the age and humanitarian restrictions, we won't qualify for the match."
"Ok, maybe you can say we have to serve dogs a little bit," said Brian. "—but humans don't call their dogs 'master...'"
"Your Majesty," said Princess Vivian. "Will you loan us your escort and boy to sneak in as replacements?"
"So you're asking us to help you cheat, no?" said Mimbleshaw.
"Cheating to qualify, yes, of course," said Princess Vivian. "But Prince Danny will look for any technical reason to disqualify my team that has nothing to do with the fairness of the match. With the shorter length of your legs, and the boy's youthful size, our team will gain no advantage from substituting you for my injured players. For the competition I don't consider it dishonorable. Our choices are to either sneak you in to replace for our players, or forfeit the match."
"Then we have zee agreement," said Spot. "Your team may play zee kick-game with Messieurs le Brian and Pimplebottom."
"—speak," said Brian. "Say 'master.'" Brian looked up from Spot. "I'm not his servant, and I haven't agreed to anything."
"Do it and you can help yourself to a knightship, Human," said Mimbleshaw.
"...no, a dog can't make me a knight," said Brian. "You even said yourself he still needs his crown."
"...aw, please? C'mon." Princess Vivian's team gushed over Brian with their teenaged-girl emotions.
"...hey ...I ...aw, man." Brian agreed.