Four:
"Mr. Mudd," said the salesman. "Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf has the advantage of both occupying your bookshelves — and being the latest very cool thing among the kids these days."
"...mmm." Brian's father was swollen in pain from the day's root canal. He quit smoking six weeks ago.
"You see, Mr. Mudd," said the salesman. "Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf aren't cigarettes. But they make you feel just as good. Watch this." He dropped a sleeping mouse. It stretched. Alert, it pulled and draged its body across the open encyclopedia volume. It tore at its own fur, and pressed its face and exposed skin to the nicotine-rich tobacco-paper.
"Observe, Mr. Mudd," said the salesman. "This mouse is able to enjoy the delicious flavor of Encyclopedia Tobacco Leaf without a single drag."
"...mmm," said Brian's father.
"Ok, that's enough," said Brian, intervening. "You won't make any sales here and you should go now."
"What?" said the salesman. "Why? Don't you see I provide a valuable service? I can fill your bookshelves and provide you a smoke-free nicotine-high."
"We don't owe you an explanation why we won't buy from you," said Brian. "Also, your mouse seems to have stopped breathing."
"—Gail," said the salesman. "Breathe, Gail. Gosh Darn It, Breathe." Mrs. Mudd returned home in time to witness the man give mouth-to-mouse resuscitation.